THE MAGIC BOOK

 

(a children’s play)

by

Paul Stewart

 

[NOTES: This script includes a few optional mini-musical numbers.  A pre-show number that was used for the second production is included at the end of the script.

 

Dialog in caps denotes song lyrics.  Except during the "Pirate Rap number."  Sheet music, photos, graphics and videos of both productions are available.]

 

The stage is dark.  Precook music:  Slowly we hear the sound of raining and thunder over the very upbeat show tune theme song music. Then it regresses into three cord very familiar "it's raining, it's pouring."

 

    OFFSTAGE CHORUS

IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING

THE OLD MAN IS SNORING

FELL OUT OF BED, BUMPED HIS HEAD, AND COULDN'T GET UP IN THE MORNING

 

SCENE ONE:

 

The lights slowly come up revealing the grand attic of a big old house.  Nostalgic atmosphere.  An old bed with boxes on top of it.  An old trunk, an old typewriter, lots of bags of old clothes and several shelves of dusty old books.  Antique books are everywhere.  The whole set has a Norman Rockwell look.  It appears as if the owner of the home has lived here for over 50 years.  There is a single window and we can tell it is daytime and that it is raining outside.

 

What does not fit in are the two trundle dressed kids, Tina and Randy.  They are twins about 12 years old.  They look clean-cut; however, when they talk they whine.  They are very pampered spoiled brats, who don't seem so cute when they open their mouths.   Although they begin our story as absolute brats, we can't help liking them.  They are intelligent and fast-thinking and very honest about how spoiled they are.

 

 

 

 

 

                                             -2-

 

They sit around looking bored and impatient.  Tina gets up and walks to the window.  She looks out into the gray, rainy day and shakes her head.  They look at each other with sour faces, then go back to fidgeting.

 

        RANDY

I hate it here, I want to go home!

 

         TINA

I want to go home, I hate it here!  I don't care if it's raining, send us outside!

 

        RANDY

I wanna watch my DVD!

 

         TINA

I wanna play Nintendo!

 

Enter GRANDMA.  A very old but spirited lady.  She tries to remain loving and cheerful, but she has to be firm when dealing with the little brats.

 

       GRANDMA

What is with all this yelling and shouting?  Are you two scared about being stuck up here?

 

        RANDY

No.

 

 

         TINA

Great Grandma, we're like way too old for that?

 

         GRANDMA

You kids are whining like you should be in diapers.  What is wrong?

 

         RANDY

We're crying 'cause we're bored to tears!

 

 

 

 

              -3-

 

         GRANDMA

You've only been up here for ten minutes!

 

         TINA

There's nothing to do up here.

 

         RANDY

    (looks at watch)

I've got two DVDs to watch before "Battlestar Galactica" comes on at eight!

 

         GRANDMA

From the moment you arrived you two have been absolute brats.  All you want to do is fuss, argue and watch TV.

 

         TINA

I wanted to play Nintendo.  That doesn't count as watching TV.

 

         RANDY

Couldn't you just punish us by making us watch educational TV all day.  That would be awful.

       (Tina nods)

 

         GRANDMA

Oh, dear, dear me.  A few hours without the boobtube is not going to kill you.

     

 

         RANDY (as if in pain)

No, but it hurts.

 

         TINA

Greatgrandma, you have TVs in almost every room downstairs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

              -4-

 

         RANDY

Yeah!  That's why we like you so much.

 

         GRANDMA

Oh, my Lord...Children, you have all these books to read.  They're classics.

 

         RANDY

We read in school.  This is our vacation.

 

         GRANDMA

Look at all these old clothes.   You could play dress-up.

 

         TINA

Why?

 

         GRANDMA

Do you kids have any imagination at all?  Don't you ever play make-believe?

 

         TINA

I'd like to play make-believe I'm not stuck up here with all this junk.

 

         GRANDMA

Oh, heavens. (sighs) Your greatgrandfather used to spend entire days up here reading.

 

         RANDY (whispers to Tina)

That's probably what killed him.

 

         GRANDMA

Randy, he was 97 years old!

 

Grandma takes an old book from a shelf, she blows on it which makes a small cloud of dust.  She hands the book to Randy, he makes a face and holds it as if it were poison.  She takes another book and hands it to Tina, who is equally sour-faced at the thought of reading a book.

 

 

 

 

              -5-

 

           RANDY

Tom Sawyer?  Don't you have anything newer?

 

         TINA

Treasure Island?  This is a boy's book.

 

         GRANDMA (sighs)

You know when I was your age we

didn't even have radio.  We

read books on dark rainy days. Well, I'll call you when supper's ready.  I'm going back to my afternoon soaps.

 

She begins to leave, the kids pout.  Grandma knows they are brats, but she feels sorry for them.

 

         GRANDMA

Children, your Greatgrampa used to say there is a whole magic world up here within these shelves.  Instead of just watching, you can put yourself in the story.  On a pirate ship, or on a raft floating down the Mississippi.  You can dream and invent.  Characters can look and sound any way you want them to.

 

         TINA (holding book)

I'm scared of pirates.

 

         GRANDMA

You kids rent scary movies!  You never miss The X Files!

 

         RANDY

Nothing scares me.  This Tom Sawyer, he talked funny and he dressed in rags.

 

Grandma sighs and puts her hand over her heart.

 

 

 

 

          -6-

 

         TINA

These were Greatgrampa's books. How come YOU get to watch TV without it ruining you?

 

         GRANDMA

I was born in 1917!  If I can live half my life without TV, you two can certainly go a couple of hours.

 

Grandma smiles, shakes her head then exits.

 

         RANDY

(figuring in his head) That would

make Greatgrandma 92 years old.

 

         TINA

Wow, and we sure were mean to her...

What if we were to read a little

bit?  That would make her happy.

 

         RANDY

Yeah, we'll really get into reading!

 

They both make themselves comfortable and open the books enthusiastically.  While Tina continues to read, after a few seconds of reading Randy stands up and sets his book down.

 

        RANDY

     (as if dying)

I just can't do it!

    (Scottish accent)

Captain, I just can't read

anymore!

 

BLACKOUT.  END OF SCENE ONE.

 

We hear the sound of off stage voices.  It is a crowd of pirates on the deck of their ship laughing and having fun.  Then they begin to sing.  Other pirates continue to talk under the singing and talking.

 

 

 

 

             -7-

 

         CHORUS

YO, HO, HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM

15 MEN ON A DEAD MAN'S CHEST

WHO'S THE PIRATE THAT WE LIKE BEST?

 

         PIRATE VOICE

Arrr, me mates quit singing and get back to work!

 

         PIRATE JUNIOR

Arr, Captain...LAND OH!

 

The pirates become quiet as quickly as they started making noise.  (For a speedy scene change Tina simply grabs a hidden sailor coat and hat and slips them on.   Randy runs out and grabs his I Pod and Mister Microphone.  This can be done quickly.)

 

SCENE TWO:

 

The lights come back up.  It is the next day.  The sun is shining through the window, things seem brighter.  Tina is dressed up like a sailor with a Captain's hat on.  She is reading and smiling and sitting on the old chest.  A laundry bag spilling over with costumes is now visible.  Enter Randy, he is wearing an I Pod and he is holding a Mister Microphone.  (A toy that has a built in amplifier.)

 

          RANDY

Tina.  Is this where you've been

all day? (starts raping into mike)

Yo, Tina, Tina, lookin' like a sailor, better get a new tailor.

 

         TINA

Don't make noise, I'm trying to read.

 

Randy turns off his walkman and sets the microphone down.  He begins to look through the laundry bag.

 

 

 

 

 

             -8-

 

         RANDY

Sis, that was yesterday.  Greatgrandma has forgot all about it.  Hey, some of these costumes are cool.

 

Randy puts on a handsome Robin Hood hat.

 

         TINA

Duh.  I'm on Treasure Island looking for buried treasure!

 

         RANDY

Duh, we've seen the movie.

 

         TINA

Duh, there's a whole bunch of stuff

in here that wasn't in the movie.

 

         RANDY

Really?

 

         TINA (sings)

Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of Rum!

    (she pats the trunk)

If Long John Silver catches me with his treasure I'd have to walk the plank.

 

         RANDY (looking at chest)

What's in there really?

 

         TINA

I don't know, it's locked.

 

         RANDY

A girl Captain.  As if.

 

         TINA

I can be whatever I want to be! That's what Greatgrampa used to say.  You're too young to remember him.

 

 

 

 

               -9-

 

         RANDY

Tina, we're twins!  We're the same age.

 

         TINA

Girls mature faster than boys!

 

         RANDY

What ever.  You know what they said about Greatgrampa.  They said he was loony.  Loonytoons.

 

         TINA

Mom said before he died he used to talk about traveling to a magic library where you could go and meet Tom Sawyer or Robin Hood, even Robinson Crusoe...

 

         RANDY

Those guys talk funny.  But Robin

Hood, that guy knew how to dress.

And he could swing from vines and

stuff.  I could hang with him.

 

Tina finds a book and hands it to her brother.

 

          TINA

Randy, here, shut up and read this.

 

Randy grabs a book and plops on the bed.

 

        RANDY

Oh, I've got a few minutes before

the Outer Limits marathon starts.

 

DIM OUT.

       ADULT FEMALE VOICE

"Robin, sound thy horn for thy men, or thou art lost indeed."

 

Sound of a horn blowing.

 

 

 

 

                                                   -10-            

 

         ROBIN HOOD VOICE

I am Robin hood.

 

         CHORUS (softly)

LOSE THE TEMPTATION, USE YOU IMAGINATION. AND READ...

 

SCENE THREE:

 

It is raining again.  A few days have passed.  We now see Randy with a make-shift wooden sword and baggy green longjohns on, trying to be Robin Hood.  He also has a stick he is using as a fishing pole.  Again this can be done very quickly using the right costumes.

 

         RANDY

Well, Huck, I reckon we 'taint got a bite.  But by and by...

      (looks out window)

Darn, it's startin' to rain real considerable.

 

He goes back to reading.  Enter Tina dressed like a princess.  She wears a crown and has on a colorful robe. (That's easy to put on.)

 

        TINA

Who are you?

 

         RANDY (accent, he bows)

Why, my fair maiden, I am Robin Hood.  AND Tom Sawyer.

 

         TINA

As if.  (looks out window)

Wow, it's really starting to rain again...Mom and Dad are coming back tonight.

 

         RANDY

Duh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

            -11-

 

         TINA

Duh, so some aunts and uncles are also going to be staying here.  Greatgrandma says we could spend the night up here.

 

         RANDY

That would be cool.  Maybe someone knows how to get into that chest.

 

         TINA

  (looking at a set of books)

I've been reading all these old nursery rhymes and fairy tale books.  It reminds me of back when we were kids.

 

         RANDY

Yeah, early 2000s was a long time ago.  Fee-fi-fo-fum.

   (he smirks at her)

 

         TINA

Frogs and snails and puppy dog tails.  That's what you are made out of!

 

Tina giggles.  Randy waves his wooden sword and playfully chases her around while the lights go down.

 

         RANDY

         (pirate)

Arr, Captain, this Spice Girl walks the plank.

 

BLACK OUT.  END OF SCENE THREE.

 

In the darkness we hear sounds of thunder and lighting again.  The following parts can be cut according to how quickly the set can be changed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

           -12-

 

         CHORUS

         (softly)

      (thunder clap)

IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING

I FEEL LIKE SNORING

        (music)

RAIN, RAIN GO AWAY,

COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY

ALL THE KIDS WANT TO PLAY

RAIN, RAIN, GO TO SPAIN,

NEVER SHOW YOUR FACE AGAIN

     (soft lullaby music)

TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR,

HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE

UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH,

LIKE A DIAMOND IN THE SKY

  (music to rockabye baby)

 

While the chorus sings gently, Randy and Tina quickly throw off their baggy costumes.  Underneath they have on their regular street clothes.  Tina jumps under the covers of the bed.  Randy grabs a sleeping bag and creates a make-shift bed on top of a bunch of boxes or another bed.

 

More thunder.  Except this thunder sound has a magical electric quality to it.  The voices start out as overlapping and muted like they're stuck in a crowd.  But gradually the voices are louder and more distinctive.

 

(This is not just to establish mood but to fill time while the set changes.  If built right with good helpers the set can be changed in only a minute.)

 

       CHORUS

15 MEN ON A DEAD MAN'S CHEST,

WHO'S THE PIRATE THAT WE LIKE BEST?

            (laughter)

        VARIOUS VOICES:

Well, shiver me timbers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

             -13-

 

Mary had a little lamb little

lamb, little lamb.

 

I'll get you Tom Sawyer!

 

I steal from the rich and give to the poor.

 

Give me that little lamb, we want lamb chops!

 

Peter, Peter Pumkin-eater, had

a wife and couldn't keep her.

 

Please sir, I want some more.

 

Some one's been sleeping in my bed!

 

Tom Sawyer!

 

FOR MORE!

 

Let me try on that glass slipper!

 

Let me go.  Book leaping is not authorized.

 

You can't copyright classics!

 

Looking glass on the wall who's the fairest of them all?!

 

Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum.

 

Then we begin to hear loud knocking sounds.

 

          VOICE

Hey, let me out of here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

            -14-

 

SCENE FOUR:

 

The knocking sounds get louder.  The lights come up a  bit.  We can make out the attic and the window.  The shapes are similar, but the room has changed.  Both kids wake up.

 

          RANDY

What was that?

 

         TINA

Did you hear that too?  I thought it was me dreaming.

 

         VOICE

Hey, get off me, let me out of here!  Help!         

    (more knocking)

 

         RANDY

Someone downstairs is knocking on the ceiling.

 

         TINA

Something is wrong with my bed.  It's not soft anymore.

 

Tina gets up and turns on the light.  The lights come all the way up revealing the book set.  The whole room has become a library of hardback books eight feet tall.  (Again refer to photos and graphics.   However, a fun and successful production does not have to depend on fancy costumes or giant books that actually open up.  Characters with so much history behind them can make grand entrances simply by walking on stage with an attitude.)

 

The set is also scattered with some regular size old hardback books.  Off to both sides of the stage are stacks of larger regular size hardbacks that can be used as seats.  The twins stand up and rub their eyes.

 

          RANDY

Wow.  This is a totally cool dream!

 

Randy pulls off his bedding and finds he's been sleeping on a couple giant books stacked together.

 

 

 

                                              -15-

 

         TINA

What happened?  Where are we?

 

The knocking seems to be coming from Tina's bed.  She pulls off her bedding and it's a giant copy of Oliver Twist.  They open the book cover and out steps Tom Sawyer, barefoot and dressed in his normal tattered clothes.  However, this Tom Sawyer has been helping out and hanging around the magic library for over 100 years.  He still acts boyish, but he's now a responsible character.  His clothes almost remind you of a comfortably dressed hippie.

 

         TOM

Howdy folks.  I thought I'd never get out of there.

 

         RANDY

You're Tom Sawyer!

 

         TINA

How do you know?  He just stepped out of Oliver Twist!

 

         RANDY

I know 'cause this is how I pictured him. (extends hand) I'm Randy, this is my sister Tina.

 

         TOM

Howdy, ya all.  Welcome to the Grand Library.  Wherein' the imagination can take you anywhere.  Pardon how sloppy things look.

 

         TINA

Tom Sawyer, Oliver Twist, how can this be happening?

 

         TOM

Oh, it's simple.  We're all in the public domain.

 

 

 

 

            -16-

 

         RANDY

I see, that book has the wrong cover on it!

 

         TOM

Oh, no.  I was just in a Dickens novel to be sure.  See.

 

Tom reopens the cover of the book for a moment.  We hear a crowd of voices from the orphanage scene.  A kid's voice says "Please Sir, I want some more."  And an adult voice screams "MORE!"  Tom closes the book and the voices stop.

 

         TOM

Oh, was I sick of that gruel.

    (hears footsteps and voices)

You see lately we got considerable problems.

 

First, out comes little Bo Peep.  She looks around as if she is being chased.  But she swings by and pats Tom's stomach.  Bo Peep looks about eight years old but she is actually centuries older than Tom Sawyer.

 

**Two asterisks denotes there is a reaction for the ensemble players to memorize.  The ensemble can be any number of characters from classic literature.

 

       BO PEEP

        (flirting)

Hi, Tom!  The pirates are on the rampage again.  Hey, you've lost weight.

 

         TOM

                                    Bo, this ain't the time-

 

         BO PEEP

I need to take you to a book where we can have lunch and I can get you some decent clothes. Maybe a wool sweater.

   (while she moves away)

You know what page I'm on Tommy!

 

 

 

 

                                                -17-

 

She winks, Tom sighs.  The offstage footsteps and voices get louder.  Tom quickly ushers the twins out of the way.

 

         TOM

Make way for a bunch of hams!

 

**Ensemble runs out from different entrances.  (All the kids run out with the exception of Goldielocks, The Assistant, Heidi and Little Red Riding Hood.)  The kids are being chased by three Junior Pirates.  Pirate Junior, Pirate Jones and Pirate Smith, who are actually nursery rhyme characters gone bad and playing pirates.

 

Adlib hellos to Tom Sawyer and the kids.  When Tom starts to wave his hands everybody calm downs and stays put, but some make faces at him.

 

                     TOM

Don't worry, they're only junior pirates.

 

         PIRATE JUNIOR

Arrrr, walk the plank, you pack a no good land lovers!

 

         PIRATE JONES

Arrr, slow down when we're trying to talk to you!

 

         PIRATE SMITH

Quit smiling! ARRR.

 

         THUMBILEENA

Someone left these pirates in the rain and they shrunk!

 

**The kids all laugh.  The Junior Pirates lash out at them and growl.

 

          A KID

You're growl sounds like my kitty cat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

          -18-

 

         TOM

Will ya leave them kids alone!  And no running in the library!

 

         PIRATE JUNIOR

Oooo, it's big Tom Sawyer. ARRRR!  You used to be the biggest trouble-maker we had!

 

** All the kids nod and say "yeah."

 

          TOM (to the twins)

You see, these days I'm a 140 year old man with a kid's body!  I ain't complainin' none!  But these days I got responsibilities as head clerk a this here

library. (looks around) I even

got a secretary I can't find.

 

         A KID

Aw, who wants to grow up!

(**the other kids nod and agree)

 

         PETER PAN

I'll never grow up!  Everybody follow me!

 

**All of the kids make noise and follow Peter Pan in the book that says "Grimms Fairy Tales."  The three Junior Pirates are the last ones inside the book.  As soon as the door closes there is silence.

 

         RANDY

Wow, is this place wild, or what!?

 

The Fairy Tale book opens again and all three junior pirates come rolling out after being evicted.  The book closes for a second then Peter Pan sticks his head out.

 

       PETER PAN

Get out and stay out!

 

 

 

 

 

           -19-

 

The book snaps closed again.  The three Junior Pirates mope then move over to stage right and sit down on stacks of normal size books and start to play cards.

 

         TOM (looking around)

An unorganized mess.

  (he opens up a big book)

Hey, Assistant are you in there! It's Tom, I just got back from of Oliver Twist!

 

Out steps the Assistant who is also the Little Mermaid.   She pantomimes and talks with her hands, often using exaggerated body and facial expressions.  Her occasional whispers can only be heard by the characters on stage.  They greet, she hands Tom an old index card box stuffed with papers.

 

          TOM

Oh, thank you, little lady.  This

here's my Assistant the Little Mermaid.  On land she has legs.  But she don't talk much lately.

 

    (Assistant mimes)

 

         TOM

You've been Sherwood Forest?

 

    (Assistant mimes)

 

         TOM

What?  Aw, heck, now Robin Hood is missing too!

 

Tom starts to look at the paperwork and mumbles.

 

         TOM

Darn pirates think they own this place...

 

 (Assistant mimes.)

 

 

 

 

 

            -20-

 

         TOM

Yeah, I know it's getting worse. Shame you kids picked a such a blame dreadful time ta visit.

 

         RANDY

Please tell us exactly what is going on?!

 

         TINA

I'm sure this is a dream, but it seems so real.

 

         TOM

We are real!  This is the Grand Magic Library.  We here are the caretakers of classic literature.

 

**A stream of screaming kids run from one end of the stage and exit the other while being chased by the Hunchback.

 

          TOM

This place is going down hill!

 

         TINA

Wow, you mean you can open any of these books and-

 

Tina is examining the huge books.  Out of curiosity she starts to open Treasure Island.

       TOM

No, don't open that book!

 

A gust of wind and a spray of saltwater hits her face.  We hear other pirates singing, the sound of wind and waves.  She snaps the book closed.  Tom gives her his hanky, she wipes her face.

 

         TOM

Nobody goes into Treasure Island!  The pirates are using unauthorized magic and are trying to take over the library!

 

 

 

 

 

           -21-

 

Suddenly another book opens up.  Little Red Riding Hood skips out.  She is carrying her basket, she stops to look which way to go.  She is glowing with innocence.

 

         LITTLE RED

Oh, well, hello Tom Sawyer.  Hi kids.

 

         TINA

Hi.

 

         RANDY

Hi. (whispers to Tina)

I didn't know Little Red Ridding Hood was such a babe.

   (she elbows him)

 

         TOM

Howdy do, Little Red.

 

         LITTLE RED

Hungry?

 

Tom nods.  Little Red takes a sandwich out of her basket.  Tom eagerly eats it.

 

         TINA

How come you two know each other?

 

         RANDY

How do you guys do this?

 

         TOM

It's called book leaping.  We can jump from book to book.

 

         TINA

Wow, like channel surfing?

 

         TOM (to Little Red)

Say, where's the wolf today?

 

 

 

 

              -22-

 

         LITTLE RED

Stuck in The Call of the Wild.  Every time I go to my grandmother's cottage the seven dwarfs answer the door.  Then they start chasing me and telling me they've become pirates!

 

         TINA

What is going on here?  Where’s Snow White? 

 

         LITTLE RED

She's not so white, she leaped into Robinson Crusoe.  A month on the island and she's got a terrific tan...Tom, when will all this end?

 

         TOM (he shrugs)

When the Head Librarian comes back...We're sure the pirates have kidnapped her.

 

         RANDY

The Head Librarian?

 

Enter two "tough gals," you can still tell they are Goldielocks and Heidi, but they've been brainwashed into juvenile delinquents.  They sit down on the books to stage left.  They chew gum, file their nails and act like tough girls in a school yard.

 

         GOLDIELOCKS

Hey, Tommy boy!

 

         HEIDI (to Goldie)

Oh, look there's miss goody two shoes. (acting sweet)  "My Grandma what big teeth you have."

 

         GOLDIELOCKS

Get some glasses Little Red!

(they both giggle)  Or is your grandmother always that hairy!

 

 

 

             -23-

 

         LITTLE RED

Grow up Goldielocks!  At least I come from a good family.  I don't have to sneak into people's homes eat their food and break their furniture!

      (the pirates laugh)

 

         HEIDI

Since when are bears people?

       (they laugh)

 

         LITTLE RED (sighs)

Well, I'm going to hide out in Sherwood Forest.  Robin Hood has such wonderful manners.

     (pinches Randy's cheek)

You're kinda cute.  Bye.

 

         HEIDI (mimicking her)

"Such wonderful manners."

 

The Assistant stops Little Red and mimes something.

 

         LITTLE RED

Oh, no.  The pirates must have used magic to trap Robin in some boring book!

 

         GOLDIELOCKS

      (to Pirate Junior)

What are YOU looking at?

 

         PIRATE JUNIOR

Hey, Tom, Goldielocks owes us three gold pieces from our last poker game!

 

         PIRATE JONES

We think she was using a marked deck!

 

         HEIDE (takes out cards)

Tell you what kids, we play for double or nothing.

 

 

 

              -24-

 

         TOM

How many times do I have to tell you no gambling in the library!

 

         GOLDIELOCKS

What are you going to do about it?  You're the one that taught me to cheat at cards in 1890.

 

Goldielocks and Heidi get up and move across the stage to sit with the junior pirates and start to quietly play cards.  Tina and Randy looked puzzled.

 

        LITTLE RED (to twins)

See, kids this has always been a land of pirates, evil witches and the like.  Bad influences just like in your world.  But THIS never happened until the real pirates kidnapped our leader, the Head Librarian.

 

Suddenly another book opens and out steps "Rumpelstilskin."  He begins to do a little dance.

 

         TINA (whispers)

Who's that?

 

         TOM

Oh, he's a real creep, we just ignore him.

 

         RUMPELSTILSKIN

Ah!  Lucky 'tis that not a soul doth know that Rumpelstilskin is my name.  Ho! Ho!

 

Rumpelstilskin laughs, then gives the twins a dirty look.  He then shoves his hand into Little Red's basket and yanks out a sandwich and starts eating it as he happily slips away into another book.

 

           HEIDI

Come on Little Red.  We know he's your secret boyfriend!

 

 

 

            -25-

 

         GOLDIELOCKS

Why do you need to bring you're grandmother lunch?  She is lunch!

        (they giggle)

 

         LITTLE RED

Chaos, just utter chaos in bookland,

let me tell you.  This used to be

such a nice neighborhood.

 

Little Red gives tough gals a dirty look and shakes her head.  The Assistant changes her stance, chews gum and mimics the tough gals.

 

        GOLDIELOCKS

           (to twins)

You kids are a long way from home!

 

         TINA (to tough gals)

How did you get a trailer park inside a book!?

 

        LITTLE RED (sighs)

Book leaping used to be fun.

 

         TOM

It's like this I reckon.  The way it is supposed to work is anyone like you that discovers a real love for books is allowed ta enter our world.

 

         RANDY

    (looking around)

This sure beats cruising The Web!

 

         TOM

Now ya see us characters are stuck in the same story, over and over.  Well, by and by thanks ta some magic we're allowed ta enter other stories, make friends.

 

 

 

 

 

             -26-

 

         LITTLE RED

But we can't interfere with the story line.  It it used to be impossible.

 

         TOM

Now were getting stuck in stories!  The pirates from Treasure Island, they've always been might awful neighbors, but they never had no power.  Now they went and kidnapped our Head Librarian and stole her magic book!

 

         TINA

Who?

 

         LITTLE RED

Mary Ann the Head Librarian.  This world was her kingdom.  Long John Silver and his gang have always hated her.

 

         TOM

Now they are looting other stories!

 

The poker players begin to pass around large black letters A-B-C, that they have stolen from inside books.

 

          TOM

Hey, put those back!  Look what the pirates have taught them!

       (points)

These here kids used to come from a nursery rhyme!

 

        PIRATE JUNIOR

Aw, Tom, relax.  You're actin' like our mother.  And our mother is a goose!     

    (pirates giggle)

 

         LITTLE RED

Chaos, I tell you, in Bookland.

 

 

 

          -27-

 

         RANDY

Wow, Greatgrampa was right about this magic world!  He wasn't loony after all!

 

         TINA

This only means that we're loony too!

 

Then we begin to hear Long John Silver singing offstage. A book starts to open up.

 

         LITTLE RED

Oh, goodness gracious.

 

         TOM

That would be Silver, everybody hide.

 

Little Red and Tom run off to hide, Randy and Tina try to hide but do not know where to go.  Enter LONG JOHN SILVER, followed by BILLY BONES.  Bones is carrying a stack of regular size old books.  He sets them down.

 

         LONG JOHN

15 men on a dead man's chest.  Yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum!

  (takes off hat bows to girls)

 

         GOLDIELOCKS

Hey, Long John!  Bones.

 

         BILLY BONES

Afternoon Lassies.

 

         HEIDI

You two guys look awful!

 

         LONG JOHN

   (considers it a compliment)

Why, thank you.

 

The pirates walk over to the Grimms' Fairy Tales book and pound on the cover.

         LONG JOHN

Let me in, you scallywags!

 

He peals open the book part way.  It is as if someone is holding the door closed from inside.  We hear yells and noises from inside as he tries to pull the book open.

 

         LONG JOHN

I'll roast all of you!

 

         BONES

Humpty Dumpy would make an excellent omelet!

 

         LONG JOHN

Open up before I use me magic!

 

         BONES

Ah, Captain Silver, do you suppose they're still a wee bit mad about what we did with Mary's little lamb?

 

When the book is cracked open a character accidentally falls out.  The pirates ignore the kid and keep trying to pry open the book.

 

        A KID

Long John, why don't you

stay in your own novel!

 

The kid runs off before he can be caught.

 

         TINA (whispers)

Wow, can you believe it's Long John Silver, the pirate?

 

Silver lets the book snap closed when he hears his name. He turns his attention toward the twins.

 

       LONG JOHN

I am not a common pirate.  I'm a gentleman of fortune, I am.

 

         TINA

You're just how I pictured you.

 

 

 

 

 

          -29-

 

         LONG JOHN

We got us another group of nonfictional visitors.

 

         RANDY

You are not real.  Nothing scares me, anyway.

 

         LONG JOHN

Oh, touch me, don't I feel real like real flesh?  Doesn't me left leg feel like genuine oak!

 

Long John corners the boy.  Randy touches his arm and sees that he feels real.  He is afraid but he pretends he's not.

 

        RANDY

Sort of.

 

         LONG JOHN

   (breathing on Randy)

Don't I sound real?

 

         RANDY (sour face)

You're breath smells real.

 

The poker players laugh.  Long John turns in anger and lashes out toward them.  He takes out his sword.  The Assistant stands behind Long John and plugs her nose and makes faces.  Poker players laugh again.  Long John spins around, in a flash her hands are at her side and she looks innocent.  Silver glances at Bones who is trying not to laugh.

 

         LONG JOHN (waves sword)

Oh, we have us a comic.  I have cut the tongues off of boys for less!

 

         RANDY

You're not real!  This is a dream?

 

         LONG JOHN

Shiver me timbers, it is not!

 

 

 

             -30-

 

         RANDY

Not only are you not alive now, you never were.  You were made up!

 

         LONG JOHN

That makes me real!  Over 200 years ago Robert Lewis Stevenson invented me.  I've never been out of print.  I exist in the hearts of millions!

 

         RANDY

But it's 1999!

 

         LONG JOHN

You think me a fool?  We get new books in sometimes.  We know about your cars and satellite communication.

 

         BONES

But those 20th century books are copyrighted.  Shame we can't leap inside them.

 

         LONG JOHN (to bones)

Oh, I could be so much more evil if I had one of those folding things you carry in your pocket.

 

         RANDY

You, with a cell phone?  Help!

 

         BONES

Our last visitors were a group of attorneys for Walt Disney!

 

         LONG JOHN

     (in Randy's face)

I left them on a deserted island with dead batteries!

 

 

 

 

 

                 -31-

 

Billy Bones reaches behind a book and finds Randy's Mister Microphone and waves it around.

 

         BONES

Hey, boss, look what I found!

 

         RANDY

Help, I'm in my greatgrandmother's attic!  My parents are down stairs!

   (he stomps on the floor)

 

         LONG JOHN

Then why can't they hear you scream?  Why don't you leave?

 

         RANDY

I can't find the door!

 

         LONG JOHN

You are in MY library!

 

         RANDY

You're made out of paper!

 

         LONG JOHN

Am I a figment of your imagination?  Why don't you wish me away?  Books are real so that makes ME real!  The imagination is a powerful thing.  Go ahead lad...WISH ME AWAY!!!

        

         RANDY

I can't!

 

Long John picks Randy up and sets him on a book.  He waves his sword.  Tina begins to jump on the floor.

 

          TINA

MOM, DAD, GRANDMA WAKE UP!  THERE'S A PIRATE IN THE ATTIC!

THERE'S A PIRATE IN THE ATTIC!

 

 

 

           -32-

 

         LONG JOHN

        (imitating her)

THERE'S A PIRATE IN THE ATTIC!

 

The poker players stomp on the floor and yell "there's a pirate in the attic!"

 

         BONES

They can't hear you now!  Ha, ha, ha.  Arrr!

 

It looks as if Long John might hurt Randy.  Tina screams.  Suddenly Tom appears from hiding with a loaded sling shot, he fires and hits Long John in the rear.  Little Red starts to hit them with her basket.  The Assistant ushers the twins out of the way.  She pulls Billy Bones scarf over his eyes and he can't see.  Poker players laugh.

 

         TOM

Why don't you pick on someone else, fish breath?!

 

Long John turns his attention to Tom.  Tom puts the twins in a corner and protects them with a big stick.

 

         LONG JOHN

Get rid of Little Red and her stale sandwiches!  Send her to a long boring book.

 

Long John reaches into his coat, pulls out a long, flat decorative case, inside is a large feather pen with gold glitter on it.  He hands it to Billy Bones.  Bones grabs one of his small books and starts writing in it.  They both treat the pen with delicate reverence and don't let anyone else get near it.

 

         LITTLE RED

Sorry kids, they're going to make us book leap.  But don't worry, they can't really hurt us, we're classic.

 

 

 

 

 

                        -33-

 

         RANDY

     (looks at book)

Look, this book is about World War II.  We'll get the army in there to help us!

 

         TOM

Don't!

 

Randy finds a modern book about World War Two.  He pulls open (or bangs) on the cover, a loud car alarm type alarm goes off.  He quickly shuts it.  The pirates laugh as do the tough gals.

 

         TOM

All newer books are protected by copyrights.

 

         LITTLE RED

It takes 76 years for the copyright to expire.

 

         LONG JOHN

Get rid of Red Riding Hood first!

 

         BONES

    (still writing)

Aye, Aye Captain.

 

         LITTLE RED

Can you please send me someplace with mild weather?  You know how sensitive my skin is.

 

         BONES

Oh, go have your sandwiches with Pinocchio.  He'll eat anything.

 

Bones rips the page out of the book.  There should be some quick effect, lights blink, magic thunder sounds.  Suddenly an invisible force pulls Little Red backward.

 

 

 

 

 

               -34-

 

         LITTLE RED

       (while exiting)

No, you know Pinocchio and I don't get along!  You're nothing but a big meany!

 

A cover magically opens up and she is gone.

 

         LONG JOHN

Seems Little Red doesn't like people with wooden legs!  Arrr.  Send Sawyer off, I'll take care of these two little rats.

 

Suddenly Treasure Island opens up.  Someone sticks there head out and yells "Captain, we need ya, LAND HO!"  The three junior pirates adlib "oh, boy, let's go" and run into the book

.

          LONG JOHN

Aw, my favorite part.  C'mon Bones.

We'll take care of them later.

 

         TOM

Some day, Silver, I'll learn you good!

 

         LONG JOHN

HA!  You were written long after me!

 

Silver and Bones disappear back into "Treasure Island."

 

        TOM

What am I gonna do about all this?

 

         RANDY

There must be some way that we can help.  We want kids to be able to keep reading you guys.

 

         TINA

Maybe we could help you find Mary Ann, the Head Librarian.

 

 

 

 

 

            -35-

 

         TOM

Heck, at any minute I'm going ta

be sent leaping into Hans Brinker

or some cold, snowy place.

 

         TINA

The pirates can't make us stay stuck in books, can they?

 

         TOM

Hey, I reckon not.

 

         RANDY

Yeah, we were born in the 20th century!

 

         TOM (thinking)

I gots a plan how you kids can help.

 

         RANDY

OK, but I don't want to wear rags or use bad grammar.

 

         TOM

        (sighs)

Me and Little Red was figurin' they got the Head Librarian stuck inside the Jungle Book here...

 

Tom steps over to the Jungle book and pulls on the cover, but it's locked.  The Assistant slips into another book.

 

          TOM

On account none of us can get the cover open.  But I'll bet you folks could if'n you posed as tourists.

 

Randy steps over and easily opens the Jungle Book.  We hear a host of jungle sounds.

        TINA

Hey, it opened!

 

 

 

 

         -36-

 

         TOM

By jingle, it did!

 

The Assistant comes running back through the book, she is holding two safari hats.  She hands them to Tina and Randy who put them on.

 

        RANDY

Thanks.  But how do we find her in the jungle?  You see, we've only seen the movie.

 

         TOM (shakes head)

You folks and them moving pictures.

 

         TINA

We thought it was only a Disney cartoon.

 

         TOM

Mortals think Disney invented every story there is!            

         (sighs)

Mary Ann'll most probably be towards the end of the second chapter.

 

         TINA

OK, let's go.

 

The Assistant opens Treasure Island just a crack and she peeks in.  Then she mimes a warning to Tom.

 

         TOM

Look, I gotta go try and hide out from the pirates and I'm still hungry.  I'll meet you back here later.

 

         RANDY

But how will we know when we find the Librarian?

 

 

 

 

 

          -37-

 

         TOM

Oh, heck, all ya gotta do is talk

and she'll hear you.  You know how good them librarian's ears are.

 

Exit Tina and Randy into the Jungle Book.  The Assistant whispers to Tom.

 

                                                    TOM

OK, I'll get some pie from Aunt Polly right quick before the pirates send me ta another gloomy castle.  You can take a dip in the Mississippi.  But we don't have time ta see Huck, you know he ain't been the same since he got his own novel.

 

 

BLACK OUT:

 

 

(The first production had a Thumbleena dance number here followed by an INTERMISSION.  The second production didn’t have a dance number or an intermission.  We can go right into scene five or add something else here, perhaps musical using the ensemble.  We want to show some time has lapsed.)

 

 

 

SCENE FIVE:

 

During the black out we begin to hear jungle sounds again.   Then we hear the twins calling out back stage.

 

        TINA

Mary Ann!  Where are you?!

Ahhh, a lizard!

 

         RANDY

Whoo!  This place it so big!  Yo,

Mrs. Bookbinder, where are ya!

 

 

 

 

 

          -38-

 

         TINA

Anybody home!

(We hear a Tarzan ape call.)

Hey Tarzan, hey Jane, you're

inside the wrong book!

 

A moment later the lights come up and we see Tina and Randy coming

back out of the book, they have jungle leaves and grass on their clothes.  Randy holds the cover open and out comes MARY ANN BOOKBINDER.

 

Thumbleena and Bo Peep are now playing dice at stage right.  Goldie-locks and Heidi are hanging out at their spot at stage left.  They adlib "hellos" or wave to Mary Anne.

 

          MARY ANN

You two are making an awful noise.  What is with all this yelling and shouting?!  Oh, goodness me, how were you able to open up this book?

 

         RANDY

We're from the real world.

 

Enter the Assistant with a towel, she is drying out her ears after a swim.  She hugs Mary Ann and hands her the box of index cards Tom has left on stage, then she collects the kids hats and helps brush off their clothes.

 

          TINA

   (whispers to the Assistant)

Hi, have you see the muscles on Tarzan?

 

The Assistant nods to Tina and pats her heart.

           

                     RANDY

 Well, I never knew Jane was such a babe.

 

Tina elbows Randy.  Then smart-aleck Bo Peep waltzes up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                   -39-

 

        BO BEEP (beaming smile)

Hello, Mary Ann.  You look great!  Say, have you lost weight?  Aren't banana diets healthy?  At your age you need all the potassium you can get.

      (as she goes back to stage right)

We'll talk later.

 

         MARY ANN

Oh, good heavens!

 

         TINA

You sound like our grandmother.  But

you look kinda like Cinderella.

 

         MARY ANN

I'm her older half sister you never hear about.  Mary Ann Bookbinder, the Head Librarian.

 

         RANDY

I'm Randy and this is my sister Tina.  We're from California.

 

         MARY ANN

Oh, that figures.

 

         RANDY

How come we've never heard about you?

 

         MARRY ANN

I was in the original story.  But when they printed up the first Cinderella book they left me out because they didn't like my attitude.  Cinderella gets married to a prince and I become a lonely librarian.  Go figure.

 

Thumbelina steals Bo Peep' shepherd's staff, (a crook.)

 

 

 

 

 

               -40-

 

         BO PEEP

You crook, I'm telling Long John!

 

Thumbelina giggles and runs into Mother Goose.  Bo Peep and the Assistant chase after her.

 

          TINA

Are you safe from Long John Silver?

 

         MARRY ANN

Well, I'm immortal.  But I can't do anything without my magic book!  Somehow Silver got some magic of his own and he was able to steal it.  Then I couldn't get out of that story!

 

         TINA

We can come and go from these books!  We're here to help.

 

         MARY ANN

It was real people that started this mess!

 

         RANDY

Well, maybe we can fix it!

 

         TINA

Yeah!  Just tell us what a magic book is!

 

         MARY ANN

Do you have to talk so loud?

             (sighs)

You see, my book contains all the information about classic stories.  These things have to be regulated, you understand.  We don't have copyright protection.

 

They pause to watch Prince Charming strut by, he's now partly dressed like a pirate.  He nods to Marry Ann, then Goldielocks and Heidi whistle at him.   He stops, smiles and then walks over to hang out with them.

 

 

 

               -41-

 

     GOLDIELOCKS

Haven't seen you in a while.

 

         HEIDI

Hey, nice outfit.

 

         MARY ANN

Oh, Lord.

 

         TINA

How can Silver get away with all this?

 

         MARY ANN

He formed an alliance with other evil characters.  He learned how to write names in books.  To tear out pages and change the stories.  They started to brain wash naive characters into joining

them as pirates! (points) Look what they've done to Prince Charming!

 

Charming gives her a raspberry, the tough girls laugh.

 

          TINA

But you're the magic librarian, right?  This is your kingdom.

 

         RANDY

I mean even if you do have a hard time finding dates.

    (Tina elbows him)

 

         MARY ANN

          (offended)

I can't help it if everyone around here is a little kid, a criminal or they've been married happily ever after forever!

           (sighs)

Anyhow, I don't have the power to fight Silver's gang without my magic book!

 

 

 

 

                 -42-

 

Several kids run across the stage yelling and screaming then disappear.  They are followed by the Hunchback who is making his second appearance.

          TINA

We can help you look for your magic book!

 

         MARY ANN

We've looked everywhere.  Sherlock Homes couldn't find it. It is not in our world.  I believe it is in New Jersey.

 

         RANDY

Hey, we've been staying in New Jersey!  Our Greatgrandfather collected old books and stuff.

 

         MARY ANN

Oh, dear, dear me.  Did he happen to die awhile back?

 

         TINA

Yes, he was almost a hundred years old.

 

         MARY ANN

I'm over a thousand!  I knew him.  Your Greatgrampa was experimenting with what he called "extra fictional travel." He was trying to bring physical things back to the real world.  Some of our clothes were not returning from the cleaners.

 

         RANDY

He kept lots of costumes in the attic!  In laundry bags.

 

The Hunchback appears again and runs into another book across the stage.  A beat later a second hunchback who is his double appears on the other side of the stage.  It looks like he magically transported himself through a long row of books.

 

 

 

 

                                                -43-

 

Randy says "How does he do that?"  They repeat this a couple times, then  both Hunchbacks peek out at once, then exit.

 

(The first production used a set of identical twins, but this effect could be achieved using same size kids with the same clothes and masks.)

 

         MARY ANN

    (shakes head, sighs)

As I was saying.  Your greatgrandfather was a sweet man.  But did you know he was not himself his last few years?

 

         RANDY

You mean he was kinda loony?

    (Mary Ann nods)

See, Tina, I told ya!

 

         MARY ANN

I believe he was holding my magic book for the pirates.  I think they gave him some of their treasure in exchange for keeping my magic book hidden in the real world.

 

Mother Goose opens up and out come Bo Peep and the Assistant.  Bo has her crook back.  Both are out of breath.  Bo smiles and skips off stage.  The Assistant rejoins the others.

 

         TINA

We've got a treasure chest in our attic!  But we can't find the key to open it.

 

         MARY ANN

I'm sure he took the treasure thinking this was all a dream.  Not knowing-

 

The Assistant pulls on Mary Ann's sleeve and whispers to her.  She takes a key from around her neck that is on a string and hands it to the Assistant, who hands it to Tina.

 

 

 

 

 

                                                  -44-

 

         MARY ANN

The last time I saw him he gave

me this key.  But I'm not mortal,

I can't travel to your world.

 

         TINA

We are, we could do it!  I'll bet this opens the chest!

 

         RANDY

That's why we woke up in this strange land.  We were sent here to save the world of books!

 

         MARY ANN

And who says you two don't have any imaginations!  Why didn't you come sooner?

 

         RANDY

We never used to read.  We just watched TV.

 

         TINA

You see a TV is this electronic box you plug in that-

 

        MARRY ANN

I've read all about it!  You mortals came out with television at almost the same time as the atomic bomb.  They're both about as destructive!

 

         TINA

How can we get back to our attic?

If I wake up I'll be there, but

how will I get back here?

 

         MARY ANN

This is not a dream!  Don't insult us!

 

 

 

 

               -45-

 

         RANDY

    (whispers to sister)

If it was a dream, I'd ask her not to be so crabby.

 

Mary Ann takes a feather pen and writes a memo.

 

         MARY ANN

I am not crabby! (sighs) Oh, dear, dear me.  Do you think I like having to watch all these people, princes and princesses falling in love over and over, having story book endings while I'm filing index cards?

 

Marry Ann glances over at Prince Charming who is hamming it up flexing and posing like a muscle man.  The tough gals are pretending to be in impressed.

 

         RANDY

Look, I'm sorry.  We don't know much about libraries.

 

         MARY ANN

             (sighs)

Listen, I've got a little magic left.  I can write one of you back home.  We have an empty book over there that should work.

 

         TINA

I'll go!

 

         RANDY

I'll stay here in case Long John Silver comes back.  He doesn't scare me.  I got a plan.

 

Mary Ann writes on an index card then hands it to the Assistant who hands it to Tina.  Tina puts the string with the key on it around her neck.

 

 

 

 

 

              -46-

 

         MARY ANN

Here's the Dewey decimal number.

Follow it and you'll find the book.

You'll end up back in your attic.

 

         TINA

Thank you.

 

The Assistant takes Tina's hand and leads her away.   Then they begin to hear Long John Silver singing off in the distance.  Faint "Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum."

 

         MARY ANN

Both of you get out of here quickly.  And don't make a lot of noise leaving.

 

         PIRATES (off stage)

15 men on a dead man's chest.

 

Randy hides.  Enter Long John Silver, followed by Billy Bones, Pirates Smith, Junior and Jones along with two senior Pirates. They give a quick wave to Charming and the tough gals.

 

       ALL PIRATES

But one man of the crew alive.

What put to sea with seventy-five.

15 Men on a dead man's chest,

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!

Drink and the devil had done for the rest, Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!

 

         BILLY BONES

Arrr.  Hey boss, look who's escaped.

 

Bones snaps his fingers and Pirate Junior hands him a small book, he opens it up, ready to write.  The other pirates move to their hangout at stage right.

 

         BILLY BONES

Where do I send her this time?

 

 

 

 

                -47-

 

         PIRATE JUNIOR

Send her someplace where there's a lot of loud talking going on, arrr.

      (the pirates laugh)

 

         LONG JOHN

    (motions for them to stop)

How did you get out of the jungle?...Who were you just talking to?!  I've been looking for those nasty little children!

 

         MARY ANN

You know darn well I don't like children, you crusty old salty goat.

        (to Billy Bones)

And your little lice-infested sidekick!

 

         BILLY BONES

Arr, I'll be sending you to a place filled with children!

 

Long John takes out the decorative case holding his pen. He hands the pen to Bones who is eager to write.  The Junior and Senior Pirates see Prince Charming getting all the attention so they move over to hangout with him and the tough gals.  They begin to flex their muscles and ham it up.  They adlib talk and giggle.

 

         LONG JOHN

     (motions Bones to

     wait, waves sword)

Your time is coming, Bookbinder!

 

Long John is distracted by all the noise from the kids.

     

        LONG JOHN

Arrr.  I'm trying to be menacing over here!  Why don't you mates scamper off to Hansel and Gretel and bring me back some gingerbread!

 

 

 

 

 

                                                    -48-

 

The whole gang decides that is the cool thing to do.  They adlib and skip off into Grimm's Fairy tales as if they are heading off to the mall.  The only ones seen left on the stage are Silver, Mary Ann and Bones.

 

         MARY ANN

You can't hurt me, Silver.  I'm immortal,

 same as you!

 

         LONG JOHN

Cinderella's older half sister!  Ha, you never even made it into the final publication!

 

         MARY ANN

I've governed you for two centuries!

 

         LONG JOHN

Now I govern you!  Bones plucked

this pen from the goose that laid

the golden egg!  Then me favorite

wicked witch put a spell on it!

 

         MARY ANN

That's how you did it!...Why don't you get rid of me then?  Write me off!

 

Long John takes his pen back, when Mary Ann tries to get a closer look, he pulls away and puts it back in his coat.

 

         LONG JOHN

I don't have the power yet.  But I grow stronger each day as we take over more stories...I've already got half the Arabian Nights on my side.

        (waves sword)

Soon all of classical literature will be mine!

 

Silver does an evil laugh, than Bones copies him.

 

 

 

 

 

                    -49-

 

         MARY ANN

You can't win Silver!

 

         BILLY BONES

Oh, we will, Bookbinder.  And soon we'll have the influence to enter the real world.

 

         MARY ANN

It can't be done!

 

         LONG JOHN

Oh, yes it can.  I know about that old man in New Jersey and his experiments in "extra-fictional" travel.  How he could move things back and forth between worlds.

 

         MARY ANN

He could not.  He was senile, it was all talk.

 

         LONG JOHN

Nonsense.  I knew he was telling

the truth when some of our laundry

started disappearing.  Before that

I'd been wearing the same pair of

underwear for 200 years!

 

         BILLY BONES

    (wearing sea-worn rags)

Us pirates are mighty particular about always dressing our best.

 

         MARY ANN

   (makes a sour face at Bones)

We will never be able to travel to the real world!

 

         LONG JOHN

Oh, no?  Someday I'll walk right

out of bookstores onto city streets.

 

 

 

                 -50-

 

         MARY ANN

Hardly anyone reads anymore, especially children!

 

         LONG JOHN

Better yet.  I'll step out of televisions.  I'll climb down from movie screens.  Arrr.

 

         MARY ANN

You're mad!

 

         LONG JOHN

Oh, I'll be as polite as you please.  So no one reads Treasure Island anymore?  They won't know I'm evil.  They think I'm a pub that sells something called "fast food."  I'll bribe folks with me treasure.  Why eventually I might even run for public office.

 

Billy Bones finds Randy hiding behind a book.  He grabs him and drags him over to Long John.

 

           BILLY BONES

Arrr, I caught ya!  This lad wears such a funny costume.

 

Bones is about ready to clobber him.  Randy breaks away and begins to act like a street-wise nasty kid.

 

            RANDY

Yo, wuz up Silver?

           (to Bones)

And don't dis my threads dude! You got your outfit after an old scarecrow threw it away!

 

         LONG JOHN

   (amused with that line)

Well, well.  I have you this time!

 

 

 

 

             -51-

 

         MARY ANN

I told you to run off!  Why can't kids ever keep quite?

 

         RANDY

This ain't your library no more!

The problem with you old book people is you never give a character like Master Silver here a chance.

 

         LONG JOHN

The lad is trying to prolong his demise by kindness!

 

         RANDY

Oh, no Master Silver.  I didn't want the others back there to know it, but I ran away from my home in order to join your sailing crew.  You see I come from a dysfunctional family.

 

         LONG JOHN

          (skeptical)

And what is a dysfunctional family?

 

         RANDY

It is where your parents are all loving and they make you go to school and comb your hair.  Make you always wear brand new clothes.

 

         LONG JOHN

No?

 

         MARY ANN

He's lying!

 

         RANDY

They won't let you have no tobacco.  There's never even any rum in the house!

 

 

 

 

               -52-

 

         LONG JOHN

A crying shame!

 

         RANDY

They call me Randall.  Randall Short Tempa'.

 

He tries to shake Long John's hand.  Although Silver is curious about Randy he doesn't let him stand too close.

 

         RANDY

I've always liked you and since you had a falling out in chapter 15 with Jim Hawkins,  I was thinking maybe I could be your new cabin boy.

 

         LONG JOHN

Well, my, my.

 

         MARY ANN

You don't know what you're saying!  I'm the one-

 

          RANDY (strutting around)

You ain't all that.  I'm from the big city.  The modern streets, see.  I hang with my homies.  We dis all them rural boys like Hawkins and Sawyer, they're a bunch a light weights!

 

         LONG JOHN

I like this lad.  Bones put Mary Ann back in the Jungle Book.

          (to Randy)

If you're pulling me wooden leg I'll feed you to the sharks, I will!

 

         RANDY

Ha!  I ain't afraid a no sharks. I've seen Jaws five times.

 

 

 

 

             -53-

 

 

         LONG JOHN

A fine book Jaws was.  Shame the shark is copyrighted.

 

         RANDY

I'm a good worker, I am, Master Silver.

 

         LONG JOHN

We'll see.  Let's just step over into my novel and I'll show you around to the rest of the gang.

 

Silver starts to usher Randy away.

 

        MARY ANN

      (avoiding Bones)

Randy, you don't know what your doing.  You want to grow up to become a bloodthirsty pirate?

 

         RANDY

It would sure beat having to go to high school.

 

         LONG JOHN

Get her back in the Jungle Book.

 

Billy Bones forces Mary Ann back into The Jungle Book.

 

                     MARY ANN

Did I ask to become the Head Librarian!?  No-.

 

Bones, Randy and Silver go into Treasure Island.  They all give exaggerated evil laughs as they exit.

 

BLACK OUT. 

 

 END OF SCENE FIVE.

 

 

 

 

                                                        -54-

 

SCENE SIX:

 

The whole ensemble is on stage hanging out.  The only ones not yet on stage are Tom Sawyer, Little Red, Sleeping Beauty, Robin Hood, Mary Ann, and Tina.  Time has passed.  Long John and Bones are hanging out with Randy who is now accessorized like a pirate.  They also are now wearing chains on their outfits.  They all look somewhat like a gang of modern day bikers.

 

Pirates Junior, Jones and Smith are helping Randy polish their swords for them.  There are also three senior pirates.  (Or maybe they can have cloth over their heads and look like Arabian Biker Nights.)  Everyone on stage is laughing while listening to Randy who is doing a very convincing job of sounding like a hoodlum.

 

**Since time has passed Long John has gained more influence over the ensemble.  They act and look even more like pirates and pay more attention to him.  Everyone is excited about entering the real world.

 

          RANDY

So then says I, give me your lunch money or I'll run you over with my Harley!  Arrr!

 

**Everyone laughs and goes "ARRR!"

 

        BILLY BONES

The lad does have promise.  And it was such a good idea to go to a dungeon and get these chains so we could accessorize.

 

         LONG JOHN

Can't wait until we all enter the real world and he shows our mates around the streets of California.

 

         PIRATE SENIOR

What are those machines we will ride on called?

 

         RANDY

Harleys.

 

 

 

              -55-

 

         PIRATE JUNIOR

Can you teach us more about that way kids sing these days?

 

          PIRATE JONES

Yes, we've been stuck in the same

nursery rhyme for a million years.

 

         PIRATE SMITH

We wanna do something new.

 

** All the kids go "yeah, we're bored, something new!"

 

         RANDY

OK, Kids give me a beat.

 

Randy takes out his Mister Microphone.  He starts to sway like he is about to rap, but he stops when a book opens up and Tom Sawyer enters.  He is carrying his big stick.  He is followed by Sleeping Beauty who has obviously just woke up.  When she steps out the Senior Pirates whistle at her and act like construction workers.

 

        SLEEPING BEAUTY (to Tom)

Since when are you a prince!  Did

you have any idea how many pages

were left until I'm supposed to wake

up?!  I need my beauty rest!

 

         TOM (rubs cheek)

I tried to wake her up and she slapped me one good.

 

         RANDY

Wow, I mean I was expected Sleeping Beauty to be a babe.  But...

 

Beauty spots Randy gazing at her, then he gets embarrassed.

 

         SLEEPING BEAUTY

Why don't you take a picture it will last longer?!

 

 

 

                  -56-

 

         RANDY (mumbles)

Yeah, I'll let you keep the prints.

 

         RANDY

And Long John!?

 

         LONG JOHN

Yes, my little lassie.

 

         SLEEPING BEAUTY

Why don't you and your funny looking friends get a life!

 

She exits back into the book, slamming the cover.  Mad, Bones and Long John rush over, but can't open the book.

 

         BILLY BONES

Let's send her to have lunch with Snow White's stepmother!

 

         LONG JOHN

The lass has a lot of spunk!

 

         TOM

    (looks at Randy)

Randy, what have they done to you!?  You'll pay for this Silver!  (waves stick)

You turned my friend into a junior buccaneer!

 

         RANDY

I'm Randall Short Tempa'!  Yo, chill Tommy, we're just taking a break...Listen, Long John...

 

Randy tries to put his arm around Long John.  Long John moves away, as he's not a touchy-feely person.

 

         LONG JOHN

What is it lad?

 

 

 

 

            -57-

 

         RANDY (whispers)

Take a break from being mean for a few minutes.  I'll convince everyone else to join you.

 

Randy ushers Long John and Bones to sit down off to the side for a while.  Randy puts his arm around Tom Sawyer.

 

"PIRATE RAP NUMBER."

 

(During this number there should be recorded music with a rap beat playing in the background.)

 

           RANDY

Yo, Tommy.  Have you ever heard a rap music?

 

         TOM (skeptical)

Oh, I've only read about it.

 

Randy begins to sway, just when he is about to start rapping Little Red enters. 

         LITTLE RED

Oh, young people these days!

 

At the beginning Tom Sawyer is reluctant but after a while he joins in.

          RANDY

Okay, give me a beat people.

 

Recorded music starts.  A few kids begin to clap.  Randy also says lines like a DJ at a party trying to warm up the dancers.

 

                  RANDY

                 (rapping)

Here's Tom, Tom Sawyer wanted to be a warrior.  Lived along the Mississippi,

dressed like a hippie.

Had conflicts with Disney,

so he became a lawyer.

 

 

 

                                                    

                                                        -58-

 

Randy starts to work the stage.  And the scene begins to look like an impromptu MTV rap number.

 

         RANDY

Yo, ho, ho, I'm gonna be pirate,

not gonna deny it.

Let me hear ya now.

 

Randy starts to clap.  **Soon everyone on stage is clapping and dancing in place.  Long John and Billy Bones watch Randy.

 

They stay sitting down, but they sway and try to imitate Randy's moves with their arms.  Randy puts his arm around Pirate Jones and hands him his microphone. As they rap they hand off the mike.

 

         PIRATE JONES

Not gonna deny it, I wanna be a

be a pirate.  I was always nimble,

I was always quick.  But I got so

tired of jumping that stick!

 

         PIRATE JUNIOR

My name's Jack too, tell you

what I do.  My girl's name is Jill, we keep goin' up the hill, just to pay the bill.  We get into a wreck, I always break my neck!

 

         BO PEEP

My name's Bo Beep, cause it rhymes

with sheep.  I'd rather be a pirate.

Change my name to Violet.  I wanna

break out, have a wild time, but

I'm always stuck in a nursery rhyme!

 

Randy hands mike to Goldielocks.

 

         RANDY

Talk to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                -59-

 

         GOLDIELOCKS

We're going to California

gonna eat junk food, might as well warn ya, I'll be real rude!

 

Sleeping Beauty comes back out, her and Little Red join Goldielocks to dance and rap together.

 

         RANDY

Get down girls!

 

     L.R., G.L. & S.B.

We're trapped in a story,

Always stranded in books.

We'll never look 40.

But look at all these crooks!

 

         SLEEPING BEAUTY

I wanna see the real world, act

like a real girl, Go to

Hollywood and shoot a pilot.

I won't be a pirate!

 

(Sleeping Beauty can exit now if she also plays the witch.)

 

         RANDY

All together now!

 

         **EVERYONE

        (except Sawyer, Silver)

This ain't Mother Goose, this ain't Doctor Seuss.  We're going to the real world and we're gonna cut loose!

 

         GROUP OF KIDS

You see we lived Mother Hubbard, nothing in her cupboard.  Not even a bone.  What they don't tell you - but use your imagination - Rover rolled over and died of starvation!

 

 

 

 

                  -60-

 

         SENIOR PIRATES

We're going to the real world

Maybe get our hair curled

We're gonna rob people,

but we'll act real cool

by enrolling in law school.

 

Finally Tom Sawyer gets with the beat and grabs the mike from a senior pirate.

 

          TOM

My name's Tom Sawyer I'll never be a lawyer, but with the imagination, you have inclination.

So take break from gadgets,

find your own magic,

and read a book if it kills you

it might even thrill you.

 

**Everyone makes faces at Tom Sawyer and says to him:

 

     **EVERYONE

Kids don't need pencils,

kids don't need books.

All they need is computers

and teachers dirty looks!

 

The atmosphere gets very wild.  At this point the audience will be into it too.

 

         RANDY

SOMEBODY SCREAM!

 

Randy holds out Mike.  **Everybody screams.

 

       RANDY

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

 

**Everybody screams again, and stomps their feet.  We want the building to shake.

 

 

 

 

 

                                             -61-

 

        RANDY

Tell me what this is?!

 

         **EVERYONE

This ain't Mother Goose, this ain't Doctor Seuss.  We're going to the real world and we're gonna cut loose!

 

The kid hands the mike to Billy Bones.  Bones steps out of character for a moment as if he is being brain washed by good forces and sings the theme song.

 

   BONES AND OR A GROUP OF KIDS

         (regular singing)

JUST FOR ONE AFTERNOON

CAN YOU SIT QUIETLY IN A ROOM...AND

SAY GOOD BYE TO CHANNEL CRUISING

OR INNERNET USING...AND

READ A BOOK IF IT KILLS YOU

IT MIGHT EVEN THRILL YOU

IGNORE THE TEMPTATION,

USE YOUR IMAGINATION

AND READ, READ, READ.

 

Other kids make sour faces at him.  They go back to the rap number.  The music begins to have a more complex, but danceable beat.  Everybody gets down.  Bones hands the microphone to the Assistant who can't sing so she does a funky dance.

 

By this time Long John has stood up and he is starts dancing with Billy Bones.  Randy has the microphone, they stop rapping and dancing.  They all begin to watch Bones and Long John dance together.  Finally Long John sees this, stops dancing and gets mad.

 

        LONG JOHN

OK, the fun's over!  Arrr.

 

Long John signals for the music to stop.  It does.

 

 

 

                    -62-

 

          LONG JOHN

Everyone stop dancing, we got work to do!

 

** All the characters stop, (most of them sit down,) and listen to Long John like he is a cult leader.

 

         LONG JOHN

Arrr.  Me magic has never felt stronger!  It is time to follow Randall and plan our escape into the real world!

       (** all the kids cheer)

 

         TOM

Silver, you haven't brain washed everyone!  It won't work.

 

         LITTLE RED

I'm tired of traveling.  I'm not going!

 

         LONG JOHN

Get rid of Sawyer!  We'll take Red with us until we can brain wash her!

 

         BONES

   (taking out his book)

Where should I send Sawyer?

 

         LONG JOHN

This time kill him.

 

         BONES

He wouldn't stay dead.  He was  Mark Twain's favorite.  Well, after Huck Finn.

        (Tom groans)

 

        LONG JOHN

   (handing the sword to Randy)

Perhaps he would stay dead if a

person from the real world was to

to run a cutlass through his chest.

 

 

 

                -63-

 

Randy takes the sword and starts to walk toward Tom.  Tom holds up his stick of wood.

         TOM

Randy?

 

         RANDY

Sorry, Tom.  I'll give you one chance to join us.

 

         TOM

No!  You're a pirate!

 

         RANDY

I'm a gentleman of fortune! 

 

The pirates start to chant "fight, fight."  They prevent the other kids from helping Tom Sawyer.  The pirates root for Randy, the rest of the characters root for Tom.

 

         LITTLE RED

You dreadful little boy!

 

         RANDY

Stay out of this Red!

 

Randy and Tom fight.  Tom fends him off with his stick while Randy tries to use the large sword.  Randy gets the best of him.  Tom trips and falls behind a book that is laying flat.  While Tom is out of view it looks like Randy stabs him with the sword.  (The scene is less violent than a Disney movie, but it should seem real.)  Then all the kids begin to bow their heads.  Little Red runs up and looks at Tom, then shakes her head.

 

          RANDY

   (wiping off sword)

I didn't want to do that, but

he's whitewashed his last fence!

 

         LITTLE RED

You killed him!  He could have lived forever!

 

 

 

 

             -64-

 

         RANDY

What ever.

 

Little Red and the Assistant hug and cry.  Long John is very impressed with Randy.  Randy brings his sword back and Silver puts his arm around him.  At last Randy is close enough to grab the magic pen case from inside of his coat.  When Long John grabs for him Randy trips him.  His wooden leg keeps him sprawled on the floor for a moment.

 

         LONG JOHN

Me magic pen!

 

Randy runs and Bones chases after him.  ** Again the kids begin to holler.  Suddenly Tom Sawyer jumps up from behind the book and holds Bones back with his stick.   The rest of the pirates are lackadaisical and don't help.

 

         TOM

I'm feeling much better now, thank you.

 

         BILLY BONES

It was a trick.  You little trader!

 

         LITTLE RED (to Long John)

You're the biggest sucker in Bookland!

 

         RANDY

I'm a gentleman of fortune!

 

         LONG JOHN

   (getting on his feet)

Mates, don't just stand there grab them!

 

         A SENIOR PIRATE

Sorry Captain Silver, but if Randy gets hurt he won't show us around California.

 

Without being too physical because they're lazy, a couple of the pirates block Long John and the still-loyal Bones from getting at Randy and Tom.  Silver groans, he opens a large book and yells into it.

 

 

 

 

              -65-

 

         LONG JOHN

Honey, come out quick, I need you!  I got a mutiny and they stole me magic pen!

 

         TOM

So that's how he was able to change stories and keep us trapped in books!

 

         BONES

I plucked it from the goose that laid a golden egg, I did.

 

         LONG JOHN (to Randy)

You flea bitten gutter snipe!

 

Randy opens up the Jungle Book and yells.

 

        RANDY

Mary Ann, Mary Ann you'll be able

to come out now.  You're free!

 

A book opens up and out comes the WICKED WITCH from The Wizard of Oz.  She greets Long John.

 

         WITCH

Hello, sweetheart.  Don't worry, my flying monkeys will be here any minute!

      (evil laugh)

 

         RANDY

Oh, no.  You mean even the Wizard

of Oz started out as a book?!

 

         WITCH

Well, duh! (evil laugh)

 

The witch waves her magic broom at the kids, they all back away frightened, including the pirates as she laughs.  Mary Ann steps out free at last.  Randy hands her the magic pen, The Assistant and her start to do paper work. 

 

 

 

 

             -66-

 

         WITCH

Well, if it isn't Mary Ann the

last old maid in Literatureville.

 

         LONG JOHN

We've been secretly engaged.  She's my little snookems.  Arrr.

 

         LITTLE RED

Have you ever seen Little Red Riding Hood vomit?!

 

         RANDY

Imagine what their kids would

look like?

 

**The kids all laugh.  Long John and the Witch are mad.

 

         MARY ANN

Oh, lord.  Quick, we've got to do some paper work to send them back into their story!

 

         WITCH (to Long John)

Don't worry dear, she has no power without her magic book.

 

Lots of tension on stage.  The Assistant comes out of no where with a bucket of water and pours it on the Witch.  She begins to melt behind Oliver Twist.

         WITCH (as she shrinks)

Oh, darn you Long John, you promised me you were going to change my story line so I'd be water proof!

 

         LONG JOHN

Oh, sorry I forgot.

 

         WITCH

You old dried up barnacle, I'd never marry you!

 

 

 

           -67-

 

She never once says "I'm melting."  Randy picks up her hat and black robe from behind the flat book.

 

         RANDY

She's not really dead is she?

 

         TOM

No, she'll show up back in her cold castle.  And she won't have any clothes on.

 

         BONES

The thought of that makes ME want

to vomit.

 

** Kids laugh.  Silver elbows Bones.  Bones breaks away from the pirates blocking him and begins to chase Tom and Randy around the books.  He steals Tom stick.   The pirates don't do too much to help.  **The kids scream some more.  Randy trips and Bones is able to steal the pen back while Silver holds a sword up to Little Red and Mary Ann.

 

        LONG JOHN

Ha, you land lovers!

 

         MARY ANN

How many times do I have to tell you

people not to run in the library!

 

Silver guards Billy Bones in a corner while he opens a small book and starts to write with the magic pen.

 

         LONG JOHN

Send those three to my girl friend's castle.

 

         TOM and RED

No, no, anywhere but there!

 

Silver grabs Randy and puts his sword up to him.

 

         LONG JOHN

This one walks the plank!

 

 

 

 

              -68-

 

Things are looking pretty bad, then we hear a horn blow.   **Everyone becomes silent out of curiosity.  Then they all look to stage right where the sound came from.  Then we hear a riff of modern music.

 

         A KID

What was that?

 

Then we hear the riff again.  Enter Robin Hood, he slides out backwards like Tom Cruise in Risky Business.  He makes a grand entrance.  He's dressed like a traditional Robin Hood, but with big Elvis side burns.  He is dashing and polite like Errol Flynn, but he's a bit disoriented.

 

         ROBIN HOOD

Greetings ye all.  I am Robin Hood.

 

**Half the crowd cheers, the other half boos.

 

         ROBIN HOOD

              (Elvis)

Thank you.  Thank you very much.

 

         LONG JOHN

Bust my ribs!  I had you trapped as a tiny person in the castle in Jack and the Beanstalk!

 

         ROBIN HOOD

Quite frankly I don't know what's come over me.

       (he readies his sword)

 

         LONG JOHN

Blast!  He's the only one around here that's handy with a sword. Come on kids, ready arms!

 

         PIRATE JUNIOR

           (drops sword)

Naw, I've lost my desire to be evil.

I wanna go back to Mother Goose.

 

 

 

 

                    -69-

 

         PIRATE JONES

       (also drops sword)

Me too!  He had us brain washed!

 

         GOLDIELOCKS

     (innocent like Shirley Temple)

Oh, my goodness, I was feeling like ever

such a big bully.  And I'm wearing lipstick!

 

         ROBIN HOOD

Silver, ye have disrupted our world long enough.

 

         LONG JOHN

Send the man in tights away first.

 

         ROBIN HOOD (waves sword)

EN GUARDE!

 

         LONG JOHN

SEND HIM YOU FOOL!

 

Billy Bones scribbles in a book then tears out the page.

 

         BONES

He's not leaping.  I tore the

page out and nothing is happening

to "Robin Hood."

 

We hear the Tom Seager Riff again.  Tina slides on back from the real world.  She is holding a black cloth bag.  The Assistant is glad to see her, she claps.

 

           TINA

That's right, he stays here because I just copyrighted him!

 

         BILLY BONES

Arrr, you can't, he's in the public domain!

 

 

 

 

               -70-

 

          TINA

Not for this adventure, bucko!  I wrote a one page story and mailed it off to the Library of Congress in Washington.  All the forms were in Greatgrampa's chest...Along with this.

 

Tina opens the bag and takes out a magical looking book with gold glitter on it.  She hands it to Mary Ann.  ** The kids clap and cheer for a second.  Bones and Long John try to get near Marry Ann but Robin Hood stops them. 

 

         RANDY

Good work sis!

 

         BONES

It can't be done!

 

         TINA

Anyone can write a story!

      (to Robin Hood)

Hi, I'm Tina, you're just

like I pictured.

 

         ROBIN HOOD

Thank you my lady, I am Robin Hood.

 

         LONG JOHN

   (starts to battle Hood)

Billy Bones!

 

         BONES

   (swinging his sword)

He's no match for the both of us, Captain.

 

Lots of swashbuckling action as Robin Hood battles both men.  **Yet again the kids make noise.  Soon Silver is out of breath and he stops fencing for a moment, and pants heavily.  Robin is able to knock the sword out of Billy Bones' hands and he falls over.

 

 

 

 

 

           -71-

 

Robin grabs the magic pen from his other hand and gives it to Mary Ann.  Long John eagerly jumps back into the fight. But soon Robin Hood has wore him down and has him pinned in a corner.  Bones gets up and starts to run into Treasure Island.

 

         BILLY BONES

Captain, I'll be back with a loaded musket and three cannons!

     (he exits into book)

 

         LONG JOHN (grins)

Arrrr!

 

         MARY ANN

Take a memo.  By my authority I hereby return Long John Silver back into book form.  I restore all the classic characters back into their original format.  We are not going to have cannons in the library!

 

         LONG JOHN

Hey, that book was supposed to stay in an attic in New Jersey!  No, don't turn me back into paper and ink.  Let's talk this over.

 

Mary Ann writes in her magic book.  We hear a quick blast of thunder and see lightening or some sound effect.  Silver becomes paralyzed.  He falls out of sight behind Oliver Twist.  Like his ex-fiancée, he sounds like he's melting.

 

         LONG JOHN

HELP, I'M MELTING!

 

Everyone claps and cheers.  Mary Ann closes her book and smiles for the first time.  She signs a document with a feather pen.  Goldielocks steps behind Oliver Twist and picks up a cardboard cut-out that has a life-sized illustration of Long John Silver on it.  She slips the flat Long John back into Treasure Island.

 

 

 

 

 

             -72-

 

       GOLDIE LOCKS

       (Shirley Temple)

Oh, my goodness.  Well, he's got no power now outside of his own book.  He'll still be an obnoxious neighbor though, I'm sure.

 

         MARY ANN

            (smiling)

The world of literature will be safe again!

     (a few more cheers)

 

         ASSISTANT

       (Harpo speaks)

This is the first time I've ever seen her smile!       

     (covers mouth)

Hey, the spell that made me not able to talk loud is over.  Yo, honey bunch..!

 

A character who is the Assistant's husband comes up and takes her arm.  They begin to exit.   Adlib good byes.

 

          ASSISTANT

Thanks for saving us Tina and Randy.  Love ya.  We gotta get back to the ocean.  Sweety, did you see the part where the pirates...Oh, let me tell you...

 

As the Assistant exits she rambles on to her husband.

 

         MARY ANN

She's the biggest blabber mouth in Literaturevile!...OK, the fun's over.  Everybody get back to the stories they belong in!  I've got so much paper work to catch up on...Come along, don't dawdle.

 

All of the kids exit into different books.  Lots of adlib "good bye!"  "See you tomorrow!" etc.

 

 

 

 

 

                                                      -73-

 

         TOM (to Little Red)

Before I get back to my novel, what ya say we find a quiet, little out of the way restaurant.

 

         LITTLE RED (taking his arm)

OK, sweet heart.

 

         RANDY

You two?

 

         TOM

Heck, we don't want the other kids to gossip, but we've been going steady for decades...We best be getting yonder.

 

         TINA

Good bye Tom. (she kisses his cheek)  Sorry Little Red, but he's just so cute.

 

         MARY ANN

Oh, the mushy stuff I have to listen to!

 

         TOM

   (shakes Randy's hand)

Hey Randy, that was a good plan you had.

 

         MARY ANN (firm)

Tom Sawyer.  Don't forget we've got a board meeting next Tuesday.  And-

 

Tom nods to Mary Ann, then starts toward his book holding Little Red's hand.

         TOM

Yeah, yeah.

 

         LITTLE RED

Now you kids have to understand your childhood is real special cause unlike ours, it won't last forever.

 

 

 

            -74-

 

          TOM

Keep reading, and we'll always be around.

 

Tina and Randy adlib good-byes.

        

            MARY ANN

Hey, before you two leave wouldn't you like to help me refile these cards?

 

         TOM AND RED

As if.

 

He winks to the twins, he and Little Red giggle as they quickly run off.

 

       MARY ANN

Oh, all these kids...

 

Robin Hood has been politely standing near by.  Suddenly he seems to become smitten by Mary Ann.  He walks over to her, bows and gazes into her eyes.

        ROBIN HOOD

I'll help you file maid Mary Ann.  You have the most beautiful eyes.  I've searched far and wide, high and low just for the sight of you.

 

         TINA

Oh, no.  It wasn't supposed to happen this way!

 

         ROBIN HOOD (embarrassed)

Oh, tho is not Maid Marion but  Mary Ann the librarian.  Sorry.

 

Robin backs away.  Mary Ann sighs and shakes her head.

 

         ROBIN HOOD

Thou had better get back to Sherwood Forest.  Quite frankly I don't quite know what came over me.

 

 

 

 

                -75-

 

Embarrassed and eager to leave, Robin bows then gallantly slips away.

         MARY

         (sighs)

Dear, dear me.  I might have to start dating Rumpelstiltskin.

 

Mary Ann groans at all the paper work she has to do.  Then suddenly a DUKE appears.  He is a well dressed, charming middle aged man.  While they talk the lights on the book set dim until the characters are seen only by spot lights and the background can't be seen.

 

          DUKE

I'll help you file maid Mary Ann.  You have the most beautiful eyes.  I've searched far and wide, high and low just for the sight of you.

 

Mary Ann and the Duke gaze into each other's eyes.

      

        MARY ANN

Oh, dear me.  Sit down, I've never seen you before.

 

         TINA

He's a duke.  I wrote him into this story for you.  I mean he's not classic or anything, but for one page, he isn't bad.

 

         DUKE

I am the Duke of Earl.  The lost brother of the prince you never hear about.

 

         RANDY

Tina, you're tampering with literature!

 

           MARY

I'm the guardian.  I'LL decide who

stays.  Ah, it's getting late, you

kids had better be getting back

to your own world.

 

 

 

             -76-

 

         RANDY

Yeah, I'm getting kinda drowsy.

 

         TINA

No, I want to stay.  I want to do more.

 

         DON

Come on sis, the library is closing.

 

         TINA

What is happening?  No, I want to stay.

 

         RANDY

Quit whining! (he yawns) We've

got real lives to get back to!

 

Randy lays down on the large book that was his bed.  The lights flicker.   Tina reluctantly does the same thing.

 

BLACK OUT.  END OF SCENE SIX.

 

SCENE SEVEN:

 

Voices, lots of talking, singing and music during the set change.  All the while Tina can be complaining about wanting to stay.  The lights come back up part way.  In the dim light we can see the set has changed back into the attic and the kids are back in their beds.  Now they are wearing pajamas and look like they've been sleeping.

 

          TINA

I wanna go into more books.  I wanna stay.  I wanna book leap!

 

Enter Greatgrandma followed by MOM and DAD.  The lights go all the way back up.   (No great effort is made to make these characters look different than the other ones they've just played.)  Dad is carrying a cordless phone.

 

         GRANDMA

What is it with all the yelling and shouting?

 

 

 

               -77-

 

 

         TINA

Greatgrandma, you were right.  Mom, Dad, we just went to the magic library!

 

         MOM

At this hour?

 

         DAD

They were just playing make-believe.

 

         TINA

Randy, you tell 'em.

 

         RANDY

Sis, I don't know what you're talking

about.  I think she bumped her head.

 

         TINA

We saved the world of classic literature!  There were these evil pirates and-

 

         MOM (feeling her forehead)   

Do you have a fever?

 

         TINA

I'm fine.

 

         RANDY

Is there something about this attic that makes people loony?

 

         TINA

I'll prove it.

 

                     She goes over to the chest.  Tina pulls the string with the key on it off her  

                     neck.

 

         RANDY

Hey, don't open it!

 

 

 

 

         -78-

 

         GRANDMA

There hasn't been a key to that chest

in 40 years.

 

         TINA

I got this key from the magic librarian.

 

         RANDY

Oh, why don't you just go tell the whole world?!

 

Tina fiddles with the key until the large chest opens.   Inside is a smaller ornate treasure chest.  The smaller chest is about the size of a bread box.  Her father helps her lift it out and open it.  It is full of jewels, strings of pearls, but mostly old coins.  The adults can't believe it as they go through the chest.  Adlib "wow, where did this come from?"

 

          RANDY

It's Long John Silver's treasure.  I wanted to keep all this a secrete.

 

         GRANDMA

This had better go back to Treasure Island.

 

         DAD

Grandma, you don't believe in pirates, do you?

 

         GRANDMA

Of course not.  But you can't

tamper with classical literature!

 

         MOM

This is all so silly.

 

         DAD

How do you explain the treasure? And all these fancy costumes?

 

 

 

 

 

        -79-

       

          MOM

Grampa used to collect old coins. 

And years ago Grandma and Grampa used to run a community theater. Look, you kids found the key and you were playing a really good game of make-believe, that's all.

 

         RANDY

Yeah, I guess you're right.  We were only dreaming. (to Tina) But don't you think these guys are way young to be our parents?

 

While Randy was talking Tina sees Long John creep up from behind a book case.  Long John has been hiding, he has brought a rope with him and he has secured it to the bookcase.   He still has on chains and looks even more like a biker now.   He steps out, tugs on the rope and takes out his sword.

 

                     TINA

It's Long John Silver, somehow he followed us back!  It was all a trick!

 

         MOM

  (not bothering to look)

We'll invite him downstairs.

 

         LONG JOHN

So this is the real world.

 

Everybody jumps and steps back when they see him in the flesh.  Long John opens the window and takes a breath.

 

        LONG JOHN

Your air smells awful.

 

         DAD

Hey, what's going on here!

 

 

 

 

 

             -80-

 

         LONG JOHN

I believe this belongs to me.

 

Silver walks towards the chest and grabs it.  Everyone backs away.  It is awkward, but he's able to lift the chest and carry it under one arm.  Long John goes to the window.  He steps halfway through the window.  The father starts to dial the phone not knowing what to do.

 

         MOM

Call the police!

 

         GRANDMA

Well, it is his treasure!

 

         LONG JOHN

Ah, just enough money for me to retire on.  I've always wondered what it would be like to grow old.

 

         RANDY

How did you do this?!

 

Silver puts away his sword.  He flings the end of the rope out the window and starts to climb out.

 

         SILVER

It's called extra-fictional travel.  Some secrete reserve magic and I followed you.  Arrr.

 

Silver disappears out the window.   We hear him sing "15 men on a dead man's chest, Yo, ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum."  The singing dies away.  Everybody is frantic as they try to decide what to do.

 

         RANDY

Call the police!

 

         TINA

And the FBI!!  You don't know what this guy is capable of!

 

 

 

 

        -81-

 

         RANDY

We're all loony!  We've all gone loony!

 

They all scramble around not knowing what to do.  Then outside the window they hear a Harley being kick-started.

 

            DAD

       (looking out window)

 He's stealing Mr. Van Bever's

 motorcycle!

 

We hear the sound of the motorcycle roar to life then it speeds off and fades away.  Then all of a sudden the book cases begin to shake.

 

         GRANDMA

Well, if you can do it and Long John can do it...

 

         RANDY

Oh, boy!

 

         TINA

You guys better set out some extra plates for breakfast.

 

 

An avalanche of characters from the magic library come from behind the book cases.  Adlib greetings.  They look around and shake the hands of the parents who are dumbfounded.  Perhaps some kids can walk right out into the audience.  Some of them dance, a party breaks out as the lights go down.

 

       THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                        -82-

 

 

“OPITIONAL PRE-SHOW OPENING NUMBER"

 

We hear the sound of thunder and a rainstorm.  Although the attic set must be lit here so we can see the characters, we must try not to draw too much attention to it.  As if the story will not really begin until after this number is over and Tina and Randy come on.

 

It will be as if these characters in the number are the subconscious minds of the twins.  As if they have slipped out of the books and dance around, then slip back in when they hear someone coming.

 

A few kids come out and start to sing and dance.  They act very casual as if they start out kind of bored.  Then it becomes a lively mini number.

 

      OFFSTAGE CHORUS

IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING

THE OLD MAN IS SNORING

FELL OUT OF BED, BUMPED HIS HEAD

AND COULDN'T GET UP IN THE MORNING

 

 

         KID 1

IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING

THE OLD MAN IS SNORING

IT'S NOT VERY DEMOCRATIC

 

                     KID 3

 TO BE STUCK IN AN ATTIC

 WHEN IT'S POURING

           

                     KID 1

            (looks around, half rap)

STUCK IN THIS ATTIC

IT'S JUST SO BORING!

THERE'S NO TV

NOT A SINGLE LUXURY

I'M GONNA START SNORING!

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                      -83-

 

          Drum beat starts.  They start to move like rappers, but it is half nursery rhyme

          type singing and half rapping.

     

 

           KID 2

IS TV SUCH A CRYING NEED

WHY DON'T YOU PICK UP

A BOOK AND READ?

 

         KID 1 (shakes head)

HA, HA, GET WITH IT GRAMPA

I WANNA LOG ON, MAYBE CHANNEL SURF

OR PLAY DONKEY KONG

MIGHT EVEN WATCH A SMURF!

 

         KID 3

BOOKS USED TO BE POPULAR

KIDS USED TO MAKE A FUSS

NOW THERE IN ATTICS

COVERED WITH DUST!

 

         KID 2 (shakes head)

THERE'S NO MORE PENCILS

THERE'S NO MORE BOOKS

ALL THEY WANT IS COMPUTERS

AND TEACHERS DIRTY LOOKS!

 

         KID 1

YOU'RE JUST DIZZY, ACTIN' LOONY

WHY YA WANNA READ,

WHEN DISNEY HAS THE MOVIE?!

 

Back to piano music.  Theme song.

 

        KID 2 (singing)

JUST FOR ONE AFTERNOON

CAN YOU SIT QUIETLY IN A ROOM...AND

SAY GOOD BYE TO CHANNEL CRUISING

       (more)

 

 

        -84-      

 

       KID 2 (cont)

OR INNERNET USING...AND

READ A BOOK IF IT KILLS YOU

IT MIGHT EVEN THRILL YOU

  (kids 1 and 3 make sour faces)

IGNORE THE TEMPTATION,

USE YOUR IMAGINATION

AND READ.

ALL THAT TAPE RENTING

IT'S SIMPLY PREVENTING

ANY INCLINATION YOU'LL NEED

 

          KID 2 (singing)

READ A BOOK, IT'S NOT GONNA KILL YOU, IT MIGHT EVEN THRILL YOU.

IGNORE THE TEMPTATION,

USE YOUR IMAGINATION

AND READ, READ, READ...

 

The set lights blink.  All the kids scramble off stage as if they are jumping back inside their books. 

 

BLACK OUT.

 

End of pre-show number.